THE TOURNAMET BEGINS  ANNOUNCER Welcome, welcome, welcome! The...  Pss. You there.   What?  Play!  HORN PLAYER ANNOUNCER HORN PLAYER  Oh, the horn? Just a moment. I got to breathe in a bit to play. Well, that’s how I do It anyways.  (BURPS) Whoops. Surprised myself.  ANNOUNCER Would you just--  CROWD (Cheer)  ANNOUNCER WELCOME TO THE TOURNAMENT!  The time has come once again to determine who is...the Chosen One.  CROWD (Cheer)  ANNOUNCER Many have claimed the mantle, but  precious few have proven their mettle. And thus far NONE have proved themselves worthy of the title. One fighter. One Prophecy... One Chosen Champion!  CROWD (Cheer)  ANNOUNCER Alright, alright quiet down. The  rules are thus: round one, hand-to- hand combat in a series of one-on- one duels. Upon victory, It is customary to show mercy to the vanquished. It is, however, up to the victor as to just how merciful this event shall be.  CROWD (Cheer)  ANNOUNCER Round two consists of a secret  challenge. Not a single fighter knows what the challenge will be. It is sealed in a locked crate and buried beneath the arena, only to be retrieved when round one is complete. It is not always a purely physical challenge. Some may remember bridge building challenge. It was the most deadly secret challenge in the history of the tournament.  CROWD (Cheer)  ANNOUNCER And... the final round...  BATTLE. ROYALE.  CROWD (Cheer)  ANNOUNCER LET THE TOURNAMENT BEGIN.  SCENE BRAKE  JAILER There we are. All snug as a bug in  a rug...(laughs) in a cage. (laughs)  FORMOSA It’s starting.  JAILER The tournament? Thats right!  KEVIN This is no way to treat guests.  JAILER I agree! Good thing you aren’t  guests.  ORA You have to let us go.  JAILER No. No I don’t.  ORA You’ll be sorry.  JAILER I’m sure I will be, but until then  I’m going to be sleeping.  ORA Ugh.  FORMOSA I think we’re going to be here a  while... SCENE BRAKE  GARION (spits)  Is that all you got?  ZELENNE Find out.  GARION (laughs)  Arrrrgghhhhhh!!!  Ooof!  ZELENNE  ZELENNE (CONT'D) WHO DARES CHALLENGE THE CHOSEN  ONE?!  GARION NUUUHHH!! (laughs)  ZELENNE Submit. Submit to me now and you  may be shown mercy.  GARION You talk quite a bit don’t you!  ZEALOT #1 THE ONE! OUR SAVIOR!  ZEALOT #2 SUBMIT! HE WHO IS CHOSEN!  ZELENNE Ahhhh!!  CROWD ZEALOT Your The One Your The one!  GARION HE DOES NOT SUBMIT? THE GALL!  Oooof!  ZELENNE  GARION Oh yes...By all means take your  time.  ZELENNE Do you take this to be a mere  pageant?  GARION Huh? What’s that?  boy.  ZELENNE You. Will. Learn.  Speak up, pretty  Coward.  GARION Choose your words well, lad. You  don’t have many left.  ZELENNE We shall see.  Ugh!!!  GARION Ugh, you coward, let go of my leg.  ZELENNE Gladly.  GARION Ahhhhhhh!  Alright, enough! Enough, I said!  ZELENNE Choose your words well, lad. You  don’t have many left.  GARION I’m laying down my arms. I submit!  Its over.  ZELENNE Stay down.  True believers!! What say you?!  ZEALOTS FINISH HIM! / END HIM! / SLAY THE  FALSE PROPHET! / NO MAN SHALL CROSS THE CHOSEN AND LIVE!!  ZELENNE So be It.  GARION I concede!! I’m no threat to you!  You need not do this.  ZELENNE You, have desecrated the  prophecies. You have no truth and no honor, but you have proven to me, this is a spectacle of sorts...so you will understand.  GARION No please, I will follow you.  You are the Chosen One!!  ZELENNE Yes, I am.  ANNOUNCER ZELENNE IS YOUR CHAMPION! HE  PROCEEDS TO THE NEXT ROUND!!  THE CROWD ZE-LENNE! ZE-LENNE! ZE-LENNE!  SCENE BRAKE  JAILER Ahh, tails.  Shit.  KEVIN Many you should go back to sleep.  JAILER Piss off.  KEVIN Hey Jailer. Buddy? Who’s ZELENNE?  JAILER Piss...off.  KEVIN Who do you think he is?  ORA I don’t care. What difference does  It make?  KEVIN I think It matters. I mean, we’re  here, right? I kinda wanna’ know whats going on.  ORA I’m sure it’s not over yet.  KEVIN I imagine this ZELENNE fellow is a  handsome, princely-type. The people’s champion; kind, compassionate, beloved. A man not without his flaws, but humble in the face of...  FORMOSA Want to put money on It?  KEVIN Oh Jailer? Who’s ZELENNE?  JAILER Call It and I’ll tell you.  KEVIN Oh no. I hate this. Um--  ORA Tails.  JAILER  Lucky guess. ZELENNE is one of this year’s Zealot champions. That’s why they’re so loud.  FORMOSA Zealot champions?  JAILER True believers. They’re like this  every year. Real pain in my ass, too.  KEVIN You hear that, Ora? They’re here  every year. You can’t take any of this seriously?  ORA All that I see is that I dragged  you all the way here only to find this...this...whatever this is! Everyone says they’re here to “choose” a Chosen One, but most of the people don’t even believe in the Prophecy!  JAILER Spoken like a true Zealot.  ORA NO! It just means I’m an idiot for  believing any of the things about the prophecy I’ve been told.  JAILER HA ha! Well, I’m not in the habit  of disagreeing with people who say thats that are true.  KEVIN You’re not helping.  ORA It’s fine, Kevin. oof. Look, I  appreciate you trying to help, but this is about the worst I’ve ever felt in my entire life. Why did I do this to you? Why did I do this to myself?  KEVIN Stop It! Have you seen me? I’m  strong now. And I can fight now, too! Ah! Gah! Ooooooh... that... was not smart.  JAILER I wouldn’t fight the walls, kid.  They’ve bested better men than you.  ORA That’s probably good advice.  JAILER A’yup...  I know what it’s like. (spits)  I used to buy into all the Prophecy business before I got hooked up with this job.  KEVIN Really?  JAILER Sure did. But now... I don’t know,  after seeing eight of these tournaments, I’ve got my doubts.  KEVIN There’s been EIGHT of these?  JAILER (Chuckles)  No.  KEVIN But you said...  JAILER This is the tenth. I didn’t start  working till the third year. FORMOSA  And you have them every year?  JAILER Once a year, every year.  You know, when you say It like that, It does sound a little silly doesn't It. Having a tournament EVERY YEAR to determine who is the one true prophet.  KEVIN Maybe you just haven’t had the  right champion yet.  JAILER Works out nicely for business,  don’t It? We keep searching for the ‘right’ champion and I keep working the jail every year.  ORA What about the Zealots? Don’t they  get discouraged?  JAILER Naw! Every year they all file in  ‘ere with a half-dozen champions, all of ‘em convinced they’s found the One. If you’re comfortable being called a ‘zealot’ I don’t think you’re gonna let something as minor as your prophecy feeling wrong-ish get in your way. Heard tell they’ll even tweak the Prophecies to fit their strongest fighters.  ORA Tweak a Prophecy?  KEVIN You can’t do that!  JAILER They can and they do.  Shit... All in the pursuit of the precious Chosen One.  KEVIN And they keep coming even though  their Prophecies keeps being wrong?  JAILER (laughs)  Keep coming? (laughs)  There’s more and more of ‘em every year. And every year they get more and more nuts. Shit eaters, the lot of ‘em. They’r usually who I get stuck talking to in here.  ORA But why? Why do they keep doing It  if the results are the same?  JAILER Some people say there all under a  spell. Me? I got my own theory.  ORA What?  JAILER Listen, most people’s lives are  pretty shit, right now, right? Not everybody gets to be the tournament jailer - I know this. So, if your life is shit, you don’t have any real way of making It better, BUT then you hear there’s this thing that promises to make It incredibly not shit. What are you gonna do? Accept wall-to-wall shit? Or, maybe you’re gonna believe in something because the only alternative is--  ORA Shit.  JAILER Call It kid.  KEVIN Heads.  JAILER Hm...(Laughs) Looks like she’s  smarter than you. SCENE BRAKE  LINUS Ugh, excuse me, coming through.  That’s yours... What was all that chanting? What’d I miss? Here.  ANN Bloody Zealots.  LINUS What’s a “zealot?”  VORLAUF We’re not doing this again.  HAL There’s two types’a people in this  world, Fuller.  ANN Hal and everybody else.(Laughs)  HAL ‘ey! I’m tryin’ to be nice.  ANN Nobody says ‘there’s two kinds of  people in this world’ unless they’re completely full of shit.  VORLAUF The Zealots believe, truly believe,  that their champion is a god. Not just a man, a god.  HAL Like I was just about to say!  And, this year, the biggest group of them think ZELENNE is their’s as far as they see It.  LINUS What about everybody else?  HAL There are smaller groups of Zealots  with different champions. Like, some are with that woman, Lyanora, from earlier. There’s a handful of champions with a smatterin’ of followers. And by the end of this thing, all those groups will fight each other in the streets.  LINUS So all these fighters...?  HAL Nah, most of the fighters are  Mercenaries. Former Vigiles...future Vigiles.  VORLAUF It’s purely for money and the sport  of It. If a combatant survives, he can make a decent living in service of a benefactor.  ANN The longer they last...  HAL The bigger the starting salary.  LINUS And if you lose they probably just  kill you? Like that guy?  VORLAUF The Zealots often fight to the  death. Bit of a chip on their shoulder about people claiming to be “The One” when they aren’t. Ironic, isn’t It?  HAL Hey, Ann? You hear what I said?  Future Vigiles?  ANN Yeah, hilarious.  HAL ...got a bit of This tournament  Ann.  LINUS Really?  trivia for ya’. is where we found  ANN Oh right it’s a great story. I was  here. Vorlauf was here. Vorlauf said, “Here’s money to be a Vigile.” And I said, “Okay.” There. Happy?  VORLAUF She was ferocious. Could have won  the whole thing.  ANN Can we talk about something else?  HAL Don’t be so modest, Ann.  You would not believe how many Zealots this one killed. Took one look at those true believers and said “I got your Prophecy right here”. (Laughs)  They was all “Please, don’t do It! I pledge myself to you, mysterious warrior!” Didn’t matta’. She cut ‘em down.  (MORE)  SCENE BRAKE  HAL AND LINUS (laugh)  ISTEN (Laughing)  HAL (CONT'D) Weren’t for Vorlauf here, she’d  have even more pelts on her wall. So to speak.  VORLAUF Really, Ann, it’s nothing to be  ashamed of. You made the smart decision. This is wonderful theater, but it’s no way to make a living. These fools and their Prophecies...embarrassing.  ANN Nothing wrong with believing in  something.  HAL But these Zealots? Oh Come on!  Couldn’t have made them look more foolish. Not only that, but by leaving for the money you proved you wasn’t the Chosen One THEREFORE proving that the ones you killed wasn’t even killed by the Chosen One neither! It’s all bloody hysterical!  ANN Yeah. Hilarious.  Who, but I? Isten! The Chosen One. (Laughs) Ah, well. The disarmingly handsome Chosen One. (chuckles)  KARRAS You really like looking at that  mirror.  ISTEN (startled)  What do you want?  KARRAS Why did you leave me?  ISTEN Leave you?  (chuckle) That’s rich, Karras. You’re lucky I’m just coming off a win in the arena. Or did you forget that I’m in the midst of a very important tournament?  KARRAS My horse died, Isten! Imogen died!!  And you left us...you Left us to fend for ourselves against the currupted.  ISTEN I’m pretty sure that It was you  that abandoned me. Or are you forgetting that you refused to help me take the Prophecies? Prophecies that were mine by right.  KARRAS Well, it’s just...I-I couldn’t-  ISTEN Right, exactly. You couldn’t.  Karras, I’ve got to say, this tournament and my victory have blessed me with new-found clarity.  KARRAS I knew you would win.  ISTEN Yes. And I now know a profound  truth: I am all I need. And you, Karras, well, you are no longer needed.  KARRAS But...friends...  ISTEN Sure, sure. But, I can no longer  trust you. So you no longer serve any purpose, friend or not.  (deep inhale, exhale) You understand, don’t you? It’s just how It needs to be. If I’m ever to fulfill my destiny I simply must do It on my own.  KARRAS So, that’s It? Goodbye, Karras?  ISTEN  Yes. If It is any consolation, I am pleased you are still alive. Unless...  Yes?  KARRAS  ISTEN While I do feel my truth is the  same, I hate to see you aimless and without purpose. So, out of an abundance of kindness, I suppose I could think of one way you could possibly regain your place by my side.  KARRAS Yes! Of course!  ISTEN I’ve had a bit of trouble off-  loading that second Prophecy. Turns out demand inside the arena is not as high as I would have hoped. Anyway, there’s only one potential buyer and they’ve made the transaction rather...difficult.  KARRAS You...You want me to kill them?  ISTEN Oh, how you do enjoy going the  extra mile. No, in fact, I do want to sell this man the Prophecy, however, he refuses to meet me on neutral ground. He insists that It be brought to his camp, which is full of his soldiers.  KARRAS So it’s a trap.  ISTEN It may be. But, that is a risk you  need to be willing to take for me,  Karras. (MORE)  ISTEN (CONT'D) I’m going to win this tournament,  and if you want to dwell in the shadow of my glory, I need to know you are willing to look past your current, petty displeasure.  KARRAS Sell It to him and bring back the  money?  ISTEN Would the chosen  less?  KARRAS Done.  ISTEN And that was the  of Karras. SCENE BRAKE  one accept any  last we ever saw  KEVIN ...but at least you agree that it’s  stupid to keep us in here, right?  JAILER UGH! Don’t you ever stop talking?  I’m goin’ outside.  KEVIN Wait you cant just leave! THERE’S,  THERE’S NOTHING TO DO IN HERE! ALL WE HAVE IS THAT STUPID COIN! AND I ALREADY HAD MY TURN!  ORA The cheering is pretty loud.  KEVIN Look, we’re gonna get out of here.  I promise. Just...follow my lead. (Whistles “The Walking Song”) See? Follow. My. Lead. With the digging.  ORA Look, I appreciate you trying but  we’re not getting out of here any time soon. We’re done.  KEVIN I don’t believe that. You believed  in me when I didn’t and I’m not giving up yet.  ORA Kevin, that’s nice, but I don’t  think digging a hole is--  KEVIN HAHAH!  DON’T BE CRAZY, ORA! WE’RE JUST HAVING A FUN STORY TIME! WE SURE ARE GLAD THAT FAT, STUPID JAILER LEFT SO WE CAN JUST ENJOY OURSELVES WITHOUT HIS...WHOLE...UGLY FACE...  Hey!  JAILER  KEVIN Oh, hi. Uh...you the story wasn’t  so much as...  see, the point of that you’re fat,  JAILER Alright. You three, are good to go.  KEVIN Oh... Well you are kind of fat.  FORMOSA Why? What did we do?  KEVIN Not that we aren’t upset we had our  time wasted in this place. But, uhm, what happened?  KARRAS Me squires! I was wondering what  may have happened to you.  KEVIN Karras, what the hell are you doi--  ORA Of course, sire. Thank you, sire.  There was a mix-up and without the Prophecy as proof, nobody would take our word.  JAILER Look, most people say they’ve got a  Prophecy. It’s just most people are liars. I’m...sorry, really, for the mix-up  KARRAS Come then. We’ve got a tournament  to win.  END OF EPISODE 16